Northvegr is down, so I'm mirroring this here...

The “Loki's Tale” Ballad

(Lokka Tattur, as found on northvegr.org)
{English Translation}
Loki's Tale
1.
A peasant (1) and a giant [held] a match,
The giant won and the peasant lost.
Refrain:

What avails me this harp (2)
That is by my hand,
Will no stalwart man follow me
To another land ?

2.
"I have fulfilled my [end of the] bargain,
Now I will have your son.
3.
I will have the son of yours
You'll not conceal him from me."
4.
The peasant said to his lad:
"Bid Odin (3) to step in for me."
5
"Summon now Odin the Asa-king (4),
Who can guard him, hid away for long.
6.
"I wish Odin wert right here,
And knew where to hide the boy!"
7.
Ere he hath said the word,
There stood Odin before the table.
8.
"Hark thou Odin, I bid to thee,
Thou shalt hide mine son for me!"
9.
Odin fared off with the boy,
The wife and the peasant were woebegone.
10.
Odin commanded a field of crop,
To grow tall after scarce one night,
11.
Odin commanded the boy become
A single ear among the crop.
12.
A single ear among all the crop,
A barley-grain amid one ear.
13.
"Lie in there, do not pain,
When I should hail, come to me!
14.
Lie in there, don't you fear
When I should hail, come hither out!"
15.
The giant has a heart as hard as horn,
He grasps a whole arm's-ful at the corn.
16.
He now grasps the corn in his sight,
Bearing a keen-biting sword in hand
17.
And bearing a keen-biting sword in hand
He sets out to mow the boy down.
18.
Then was the boy affrighted,
The barley-corn squirmed out of the fist.
19.
Then was the boy overcome with pain
Odin hailed unto him.
20.
Odin fared with the boy back home
The peasant and his wife gave them embrace.
21.
"Here I have the young son of yours,
Now I am done with hiding him."
22.
The peasant said to his boy:
"Bid Hønir (5) to step in for me!"
23.
"I wish Hønir wert right here,
And knew where to hide the boy!"
24.
Ere he had said the word,
There stood Hønir before the table.
25.
"Harken Hønir, I bid to thee
Thou shall hide mine son for me!"
26.
Hønir fared off with the boy,
The wife and the peasant were woebegone.
27.
Hønir gang over the green ground,
Seven swans flew across the sound.
28.
Eastward flew two swans
They alighted beside Hønir.
29.
Hønir commanded now the boy to become
A single feather in the head of the swan.
30.
"Lie in there, do not pain,
When I call you, come out to me!
31.
Lie in there, don't you fear,
When I call you, come hither out!
32.
The monster gang over the green ground,
Seven swans flew across the sound.
33.
The giant dropt down on his knees
And grabbed the swan which was at the forefront.
34.
He took a bite out of the forefront swan,
Gashing its throat down to the shoulder.
35.
Then was the boy turned affright,
A feather slipped out of the giant's clutches.
36.
Then was the boy overcome with pain,
Hønir hailed unto him.
37.
Hønir fared with the boy back homeward,
The wife and the peasant gave them embrace.
38.
"Here I have the young son of yours,
Now I am done hiding him.
39.
The peasant said to his lad:
"Bid Lokki step in for me!"
40.
"I wish Lokki wert right here,
And knew where to hide the boy!"
41.
Ere he said the word,
There stood Lokki before the table.
42.
"Thou canst but imagine my dire need,
The monster means to have my son dead.
43.
Harken, thou Lokki, I bid to thee,
Thou shall hide mine son for me!
44.
Hide him so good, as well as you can,
So the lad can never captured be!"
45.
"If I am to hide your son,
You must do my bidding!
46.
You shall build a boathouse,
While I am gone away.
47.
You shall cut out a window wide,
And bar it with an iron rod!
48.
Lokki fared off with the boy,
The wife and the peasant were woebegone.
49.
Lokki appears over the strand,
With a skiff ashore by the land.
50.
Lokki rows out to the remotest fishing banks
That was told in the lore of yore.
51.
Lokki utters not another word,
He casts the hook and sinker overboard.
52.
He casts the hook and sinker overboard
And anon hauls in a halibut (helliflounder). (6)
53.
He hauls in one, he hauls in two,
The third had a blackish hue.
54.
Lokki commands now the boy become,
An egg-grain in the halibut(helliflounder)'s roe.
55.
"Lie in there, do not pain,
When I call you, come out to me!
56.
Lie in there, don't you fear,
When I call you, come out hither!"
57.
Lokki now rows back towards land,
The giant awaiting in the sand.
58.
The giant asked him straightaway:
"Lokki, where have you been tonight?"
59.
"Little peace had I,
For I sailed and fared all over the sea."
60.
The giant rushes for the iron skiff,
Lokki shouts: "The waves are bad".
61
Lokki speaks, and here's what he said:
"Giant, let me tag along."
62.
The giant took the tiller by the hand
Lokki now rowed away from land.
63.
Lokki rows a good long ways,
But the iron skiff doesn't budge a bit,
64.
Lokki swears by the truth,
"I can steer one better than you."
65.
The giant then takes the oars,
The iron skiff sped over the sea.
66.
The giant rows a good long ways,
Nigh did Lokki to the sternpost stay.
67.
The giant rows out to the remotest fishing banks,
That was told in the lore of yore.
68.
The giant utters not another word,
He casts the hook and sinker overboard
69.
He casts the hook and sinker overboard
And anon did catch a halibut (helliflounder).
70.
He hauls in one, he hauls in two,
The third was of blackish hue.
71.
Lokki swears by his faith,
"Giant, let me have the fish"
72.
The giant replies and nay says he,
"No, my Lokki, you shan't have it."
73
He put the fish between his knees,
And counted each egg in the roe.
74.
He counted each egg in the roe.
He meant to catch the boy.
75.
Then was the boy turned affright,
And an egg leapt out of the hand.
76.
Then was the boy overcome with pain,
Lokki hailed unto him
77.
"Sit yourself behind me,
Let not the giant see you.
78.
You must leap lithely upon the land,
Do not leave a track in the sand!"
79.
The giant then rows back to land.
Straight into the white sand.
80.
The giant rows onto land,
Lokki turns 'round the iron skiff.
81.
The giant runs the sternpost aground on land,
The boy leaps lithely upon the land.
82.
The giant gave gaze to the land,
There stood the boy on the sand.
83.
The boy leapt so lithely on to land,
He left no track upon the sand.
84.
The giant leapt heftily on to shore,
Sinking knee-deep in the sand,
85.
The boy scurries away as best as he could,
Scurries right through his father's boathouse.
86.
He scurries right through his father's boathouse,
The giant, after him in hot pursuit.
87.
The giant gets himself stuck in the window,
Smashing his head on the iron bar. (7)
88.
Loki then did not bide,
He struck off one of the giant's shins.
89.
To giant was rather amused by this,
The wound mended back to whole again.
90.
Loki then did not bide,
He struck off giant's other shin.
91.
He struck off the giant's other shin.
And tossed in-between, a stick and stone. (8)
92.
To the boy was rather amused by this,
Watching the giant sundered to pieces altogether.
93.
Lokki fared with the boy back homeward,
The wife and the peasant gave them embrace.
94.
"Here I have the young son of yours,
Now I am done with hiding him.
95.
I've kept my words to you,
Now the giant has lost his life."
(translated by Kiyo using the Danish translation and Old Icelandic dictionary, and with the indispensible help of Anker Eli Petersen)
1. peasant— Far. bónði is the same word as in Old Icelandic. I've used the word "peasant" here (to match H.A. Gureber's short story "Skrymsli and the Peasant's Child", which is essentially a retelling of this Loki's Tale ballad). Anker Eli Petersen uses "farmer" in his translation of the Skrímsla Ballad. The word is also variously translated as "bondsman", "franklin", or "husbandsman".

2. Refrain: what avails me..— Even though hvat skalliterally reads "what shall", it means "to what end," "for what use," or "why".

3. Odin— In Faroese Óðin is pronunced "oh·vin", the phonetic representation Ouvin (gen. Ouvans, acc. Ouvan) is used by the early ballad-collector H.C. Lyngbye, and is also recorded by Grimm in his Teutonic Mythology.

4. Asa-King,— i.e. the king of the Æsir deities.

5. Hønir— or Hoenir is another name of Vili. Odin, Vili, and Ve were three brothers responsible for creating the first humans, Ask and Embla (a man and a woman, and their names meaning "ash" and "elm" respectively). I think the Icelandic form is Hœnir ("oe-ligature") even though Hænir ("ae-ligature") is used in most e-texts. The character is mentioned in Völuspá, str. 18. The trio of deities who are summoned in this ballad are also the tree who are travelling together when they slay Otr and are forced to pay the wergeld in the Volsunga saga. g

6. halibut—Though the Faroese name of the fish is flundr, this translates to "halibut" (not "flounder"). (cf. Faroese Fisheries Laboratory's polyglot fish name list.) H. A. Guerber, wrote a short story "Skrymsli and the Peasant's Child" based almost entirely on this ballad, and in it he translates the fish as "flounder". Interestingly enough, the Japanese translation of Gureber's story calls the fish "hirame") (* which, as can be confirmed using the polyglot fish list hotlinked above, is a type of "fluke" in English, and called reyðsprøka in Faroese.).
There is also different retelling of the story(Loki's Trick), in which the fish is given as "haddock".

7. iron bar — Far. jarnkelvi (OIc. járn- "iron" + kylfa "club"). It was most difficult for me to comprehending what was happening here, until Anker Eli Petersen sent me his rough translation. In str. 47, Loki dictates the farmer to make a window and set an "iron bar" in it. Since the boy is of much smaller stature, he can run through this barred window without problem. But the giant who comes running doesn't quite fit through, and bangs his head so hard that it is "brast" (or broken). It is revealed in the following stanzas that the monster has regenerative powers, and one might surmise that even a smashed head is hardly a lethal blow to it.
H. A. Guerber, in his story "Skrymsli and the Peasant's Child" based on this ballad, interpreted the iron implement to be a sharp spike:
"..Loki had cunningly placed a sharp spike in such a position that the great head of the giant ran full tilt [at full speed] against it, and he sank to the ground with a groan."

8. I have read (at the "Infinite Space" site below) that a similar charm is used in the Thidrekssaga to prevent a dwarf (or dwarves) from coming back to life.

I have many favorite "Pagan Community Folkstories." This is one of them.

An Eclectic Pagan Circle, of which I have been a part, once did a joint ritual with a Druid Grove. That group used the sacred well/tree/fire setup as the focus, not the four elements as Wiccans or many Eclectics would. I was not here for this, and only heard it later, the next time they visited.

Apparently, they were holding the ritual outside in an area that... for simplicity and vagueness' sake, we'll say it was on a roof, though not exactly. There were trees nearby, and they were on a level that was a little under midway up the tree, so all participants had a great view of the full tree they had picked to serve as a sacred focus. 

Well, it was a cloudy day, and right as the Druid ritual leader was doing invocations, lightning hit the tree! It caught on fire and then the clouds just opened... and the rain put it out.

I kid you not, I heard this story from multiple people who were there, and not a soul who had been present denied it, even the skeptical sorts - but that wasn't the best of what they remembered.

With lightning and fire and rain, you see, people were rushing back into the building.

All except the ritual leader.

She just kind of stood there for a moment, then turned around and looked at them, with a curious expression and a commanding voice, gesturing to the tree: 

"Where ya'll think you're going? HAIL THOR!"

Relax! The Gods Are In Charge! (A "Motivational" Poster... with a makeover worthy of Loki.)

• We are all Frigga's Children.
• What we are is the Norn's gift to us, what we become is our gift back to the Norns.
• The threads of your orlog have a specific purpose and placement, and you have a path laid before you that no one else can follow. You, in this individual lifetime, are unique.
• Mother Holda will never give you more chores than you can handle.
• With Loki as your traveling companion, anything is possible.
  "Anything" might have 8 legs or a goat tied to it's balls though.
• Forseti loves you as you are, but Tyr thinks your battle skills need improving.
• No matter what is happening in your life, know that your Fylgia is waiting for you with open arms. (This is cause to be both hopeful, and scared.)
• Know Baldur, know peace. No Baldur, Ragnarok.
• Stop and let the wyrd be spun without you once in awhile.
• Svartalfar can't make you new gifts unless you put down that hammer they already made you and stop looking at them like that.
• Friendship is Thor's way of being our shield-sibling through someone else having our back.
• Walk with Odin the Wanderer, and you will always reach your destination.
• Stand outside this evening and look at the stars. Know that you are special to, and loved by, your ancestors who lived when their light first began it's long journey... And also that somewhere up there Skadi's father is watching you when/if you have sex. Seriously, you may want a tent.
• Loki never closes a door without knowing he can escape through a window by turning into a fly. What? You can't do that too?
• Live in such a way that those who do not know honor and hospitality will come to know both because they know you.
• Bragi gives us inspiration, we create our own poems and songs.
• "Please do not feel personally, totally, irrevocably responsible for everything. That's our job. You do you, your personal thread. The tapestry is ours. Love, the Aesir."

(Humor) Other cross pantheon/interfaith meetings no one talks about:

• Thunderstorms mixed with monsoons because Thor and Indra are having some kind of deity equivalent of a water balloon fight.
  
• Hela and Persephone drinking Pomegranate and Chocolate liquor while discussing their love lives. (… and trying not to discuss their fathers. At all.)
  
• Bragi, Brigid, and Minerva trying to see who can inspire prettier art/poetry… And they all can’t choose and Bragi winds up as a spider, Minerva as a flame, and Brigid as one of her own anvils until they all agree to call the whole thing off.
  
• Jesus and Dionysus comparing instant-wine recipes and notes at a party. (Even CS Lewis would smile at this one do not start.)
  
• Loki sneaking catnip into the offering bowl and later seeing if a laser pointer will work on Bast and Sekmet. (And it did.)

Finding Compassion Under the Pagan Umbrella

I wrote the following as a summary of some of the discussion that occurred surrounding Cherry Hill Seminary choosing to support the Charter for Compassion. The question up for discussion was "Is Compassion a Pagan (/ Heathen / Polytheist / Pantheist / etc.) Value?" By and large, we (a few students, such as myself, as well as faculty participants) affirmed that it was.

The following is a summary of the points made in that discussion. I am not a spokesperson for Cherry Hill Seminary, and the views on the rest of my blog are mine and mine alone. My intent here is merely to provide a resource for the discussion of Compassion in a Pagan context, compiled from multiple viewpoints in an academic setting.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~

 Thoughts on Compassion, as Prose

• Hades, Ruler of the Greek Underworld, was moved to tears of compassion by Orpheus' pleas for his deceased bride. Compassion hears the suffering of others.
  
• Forsetti is a Norse god of mercy and reconciliation. Those who entered his presence fighting left as brothers. The ability to listen to those who are different and transcend our borders (personal and national) is a hallmark of compassion.
  
• When Baldur, a god of hope and truth, died, all were called upon to weep for him. When one did not, and he stayed dead, he became instead a god of renewal and rebirth. Compassion and hope are twins, because every act of compassion is a seed hoping to blossom an emotional desert into an oasis.
  
• The one who did not weep was Loki, and he too, experienced compassion from the goddess Sigyn. When all encouraged her to think of him as a lost cause, she did not. Compassion sees the roots of hatred are actually fear and pain, and that most "lost causes" are simply lost people, who need the right guide for them.
  
• The Web of Life and Weaving of Wyrd shows us that suffering affects the entire pattern, not just one thread. Compassion shows us that "out of sight, out of mind" is an illusion that ignores how the injustice and sufferings felt by a few have an impact on all of society, acknowledged or not.
  
• "We are all connected, to each other biologically, to the earth, chemically, and to the rest of the universe, atomically" - Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Humanistic Pantheist Pagans rely on natural models, moreso than mythology. Nature itself shows that when one part of an ecosystem is endangered or one resource is polluted, everything suffers. Even when not anthropomorphized, nature holds a lesson in compassion - for compassion, like nature, knows that we need each other, with all our diversity and differences, to survive on this little blue dot.
  
• A mortal couple, Bacchus and Philemon, showed compassion to strangers beyond the call of hospitality itself. What they did for the strangers was discovered as being done unto the gods. Compassion sees the divine in the hungry stranger.
  
• This most recent example may strike some as similar to the "Good Samaritan" and corporal works of mercy - but just because one group has an idea (especially an extremely general one) doesn't mean another can't also come up with it. Does Asatru own the concept of mead, or do practitioners of Shinto and Buddhism own the concept of the novel after the Tale of Genji? Then why do western Pagans think of compassion and forgiveness as "too Christian?"
  
  Perhaps we are afraid of our own shadow, and afraid we will try it and fail as badly as many others have. Compassion teaches us to try anyway, despite our fears.
  
• Baubo was Demeter's nurse. When her daughter Persephone was kidnapped, Baubo was the first to make Demeter laugh. Compassion shines a light in the darkest night.
  
• Elos, the spirit of Mercy and compassion worshiped in Athens, had a simple altar. It bore no perfect Greek statues, no libations, and no incense. Her offerings were the shorn hair of widows, the clothes of beggars who had risen out of poverty, complaints, and tears. Compassion offers a shoulder to cry on, when words and actions may not be enough.
  
• In the Fifth Sacred Thing, Starhawk shows the bravery of compassion. Compassion knows that the best way, and the most difficult way, to remove hatred is not through destruction, death, and violence, but through making an enemy into a friend. Compassion, like Maya Greenwood, says "There is a place for you at our table, if you will choose to join us."

Wunjo Meditation

(Content Warning: This is an older blog entry and contains references to Harry Potter fandom stuff. It was written in 2016 with references to events in 2014. I do not support the author's current horrid campaigns.) 

Joy. Light. Fulfillment. Completion or feeling complete or content.

For Wunjo, we're going to break the forth wall a bit, because in some respects it ties very well into an experience this author has had which most, fortunately, never do: Homelessness.

To clarify, this is NOT going to be the kind of “It could have been worse!” post the internet loves to hate, where someone makes you feel like your problems aren't real if you're not starving on the street. That is not my intent at all.

I was a full time student in college who had exhausted their loans and had to choose between rent and tuition. There was no way in Midgard I was going to make such an investment of time, debt, and work, let alone be able to pay it back, without getting that piece of paper. I'll always remember one particular night – being outside at 5AM, in the snow, praying the doors to the next warm place would be open. Looking at the stars, and the light reflecting off of snow and ice, but hungry and very cold in the 0*F weather, I was just content to be breathing, surrounded by beauty that was also very, very harsh.

It was the little things that got me through that time. On a different evening, I found a study cubicle, took off the Harry Potter scarf (which I'd been using both for warmth and a mood boost), and proceeded to “decorate” my cubicle with said scarf, laying a few herb bundles I'd been given on top of a corner of it, with a few oils (since I couldn't leave them to freeze, they came with me in my backpack at all times), stacks of books, and a tarot deck. I got, perhaps, a bit too comfortable for public, even though this was a back corner at 11PM, taking off shoes and socks, and giving my tired feet a massage. Since I was in public so much, with no real privacy, being barefoot was a luxury. Tending to how sore I had been, between that and my growing arthritis, made me feel... human. Cared for... Even if it was just self care. And with my little decor job it was, sort of, an attempt to bring “home” with me wherever I went.

The thought process that formed much of my basic awareness during this time was one of mindful evaluation. Time seemed to stretch longer when, even for someone without much routine, I lost what little I had. I realized that I needed to evaluate my needs, and carve out my own space. I looked hard at what was “enough.” At some point, I literally rewrote my definition of happiness:

~*~*~*~*~

Defining Happiness

Unfortunately, those studies about happiness not being based on money say "beyond having basic needs met..." Money and stuff don't affect happiness. [I was referencing: https://www.princeton.edu/~deaton/downloads/deaton_kahneman_high_income_improves_evaluation_August2010.pdf , more or less.]

So I will define happiness as being warm, having clean water, having clean clothes, having showered within the last few days, and having had at least one light and one moderate meal unless I'm on a day of religious fasting, having had at least five hours of sleep, and having spent at least one hour of my day playing a game, reading a book with a plot, or making something - whether that is knitting, or writing a ritual or something theological, etc.

Bonus points if I got in some meditation time and/or didn't experience any major physical pain in getting around.

Super bonus if I have an organized to-do list. ;-)

~*~*~*~*~

Most days and nights, I came nowhere close to that. Still, it gave me something concrete, and sometimes helped me spell out for myself and others reasons why I was unhappy or irritable, which in turned help me try to address the problems or opt to take a nap, if I could, instead of snapping at people.

One small exercise I've used is a journaling question that, I admit, was inspired by a tweet made by the Pottermore account some years ago. “What would be in your Room of Requirement today?” At first, I list the ideal – other living beings aside, what would help me accomplish whatever goals or tasks I need to do that day? Then I bring it down to what's available, what's there that could fill the same need. If I can't have cider, at least I have water or tea. If I really needed caffeine, I'd get a $1 black coffee, or some cheap instant espresso mix. If I can't have a fireplace to write by, I can wrap myself in a blanket with a fireplace video while I draft in a paper notebook. It also helped to remember past times where I got whatever it was I wanted and wasn't any happier or more content. I substituted things, and I did my best to make certain the actual need, including an occasional need for aesthetic beauty to soothe the mind and soul, was met. I also did my best to find reasons to laugh, even if I had to look a little harder for them sometimes. It got easier, with practice.

The important bit was that I was taking the time to listen to what I actually needed, and reassure myself that I was meeting those needs as best I could. Similar to the Room of Requirement exercise above, if something is really bothering you, it helps to look more closely at what you can do, and less at what you cannot. If you can't do this, there is nothing wrong with that. Not everyone can, and I strongly recommend talking to a therapist if you are having issues with depression in particular. But it is worth trying!

In the end, this is part of what Wunjo is about. Sometimes the fulfillment, joy, or contentment comes because everything is going well. Wunjo applies the most, in that case, if things went well precisely Because you worked with circumstances, not against them, to achieve that positive outcome. However, it can also apply to working with your circumstances even when things go poorly - a rune not just for standing in the light of joy, but kindling your own, like a need-fire, in the darkest of nights.

Gebo Meditation

A gift. A mercy. Hospitality. One good turn – or unearned boon – deserves another.

“A gift for a gift” says Havamal. Accepting a gift is also a social obligation to give something in return – whether to give back to the gods from one's bounty, to give bounty to the gods in exchange for a new boon, to exchange gifts with friends or neighbors, or even to accept a gift of mercy or charity with the understanding that you must someday “pay it forward” when you can.

In other words, accepting a gift pledges a troth. Forging alliances – whether accepting an oath ring or a wedding ring – is a strong example. So, too, is the notion of basic cooperation. If one person has a bit of a green thumb and can grow food, and another is a skilled tailor, they do better communally than if one person had to handle both tasks. I benefit from the things you can do which I cannot, as you do from my skills. There is progress in forming such human networks that would not be possible otherwise.

It is likewise true with the gods, the wights, and other beings. Several times, most notably in exchanging hostages after the Aesir – Vanir War, the gods have shown that they too are bound by these social contracts – though some have wondered if Hoenir and Mimir really was a fair trade for Njord, Freyr, and Kvasir (some suggest that Freya went voluntarily and was not part of the deal), especially once Mimir died. But then, some may also wonder what we could offer the gods. Is the exchange truly fair? But what is fair in such a case? But consider: Mere water seems a small thing compared to gold and silver and technology and cures for illness, but liquid silver, so far as we know, will not sustain life. Even in human history, there have been periods where the people described themselves as having “plenty of gold, but going without bread.” Though the gods can certainly find their own way to intervene in our world, the simplest way is often through us. Perhaps this is enough, or perhaps they merely like the taste of human brewed mead more than their own, much as many Americans prefer a German or Irish imported beer if they can get it. It is not our place to ask why whatever we can give has meaning to such beings – only to trust and respect that, somehow, whatever we can offer is of worth.

Relationships with deities and with other humans should be healthy ones, however. One has a choice of obligations, of where to spend one's energies. Sometimes one must also let go – whether of a grudge, or of deciding when a task or project has been accomplished “well enough” and further effort would be wasted. This is especially true if one is trying to fulfill ones obligations without creating new ones. The best place in the cycle, perhaps, at least in this cultural framework, to leave such things is to turn down an offer, boon, gift, or opportunity from the gods, or from other people. Just as one does not need to attend every college one gets into, one does not need to oblige themselves to every deity at once.

This also involves knowing when one needs to push oneself, to make sacrifices in order to achieve something greater for themselves or their communities, like a scientist sacrificing sleep to find a cure on a timetable... and when one is unnecessarily over-obligated and needs to say no. One owes it to oneself to take care of themselves, but also to know when there is a need to be pushed past current limits. There is a time and place to drop all excuses, to run “full burn,” to sacrifice for the sake of wisdom and community, and there is also a time and place to say no. By learning this balance, it becomes possible to begin to make decisions that allows for growth into one's best self.